How to Tell If You Have Social Anxiety or If You Are Just Shy

But if you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “Is this just shyness, or could it be something more?”, you’re not alone.

As a psychologist based in South Yarra, I often hear this question from clients who are struggling with everyday interactions that feel more overwhelming than they should.

Shyness is a natural part of some people’s personality, and it usually fades with time or familiarity.

But social anxiety is different — it can hold you back from work, relationships, and the everyday experiences that most people take for granted.

If you’ve noticed that fear of judgment or physical symptoms like trembling or sweating stop you from speaking up, joining conversations, or being yourself around others, it might be time to look a little deeper.

In this blog, we’ll gently unpack the differences between shyness and social anxiety — and help you figure out when it might be time to reach out for support.

Shyness is a completely normal personality trait, and while it can feel uncomfortable at times, it usually doesn’t get in the way of everyday life.

If you’re shy, you might feel a bit awkward or unsure in new situations, but you’ll often find your footing once you’ve had a moment to settle in.

A university student might feel nervous about raising their hand in a tutorial but still manage to speak up.

Or someone might dread the idea of going to a party, but once they’re there, they start to enjoy themselves after warming up.

The key thing with shyness is that it tends to fade with familiarity or confidence. It doesn’t usually lead to ongoing fear or avoidance, and it rarely stops you from doing what you need — or want — to do.

That’s why shyness isn’t considered a mental health condition.

It’s simply a part of who some people are.

It’s an ongoing mental health condition that can affect your work, your relationships, and your ability to enjoy everyday life.

If you live with social anxiety, you might find yourself constantly worrying about what others think of you.

The thought of being judged, criticised, or making a mistake can feel overwhelming.

You might avoid things like team meetings at work, group catch-ups with friends, or even making a phone call — not because you don’t want to connect, but because the fear of embarrassment feels too intense.

This fear often comes with both physical and emotional symptoms.

You might notice your heart racing, hands sweating, or your mind replaying conversations over and over, focusing on things you “did wrong.”

These reactions aren’t just uncomfortable — they can stop you from doing the things that matter most.

The difference between social anxiety and shyness is in the impact.

Shyness may pass with time or confidence, but social anxiety tends to stick around and interfere with daily life.

And if that sounds like you — it’s important to know that it’s not a flaw in your personality. It’s a treatable condition, and with the right support, it can get better.

Related: What is Social Anxiety?

Take a uni student here in Melbourne, for example.

They might feel nervous speaking up during tutorials, especially early in the semester.

But as they get to know the class or feel more confident in the material, they’ll usually find their voice and join in.

Or picture someone heading to a birthday dinner in Richmond or Prahran.

They might hang back at first, sticking close to someone they know, and feel a little drained afterward — but overall, they still enjoy being there and connecting with others.

In the workplace, a shy team member might hesitate to speak up in meetings at first, but with time, they’ll start contributing ideas and feel more at ease with their colleagues.

The key difference is this — shy people might need a bit of time to warm up, but they don’t avoid social situations altogether, and their daily life isn’t heavily impacted.

They often find comfort in familiar groups and tend to build deep, meaningful relationships once they feel safe.

For example, someone with social anxiety might decline an invitation to a party out of fear of being judged in front of others.

During social interactions, they may experience physical symptoms such as trembling, sweating, or an increased heart rate, which can further heighten their anxiety.

Negative self-talk often exacerbates the issue, as they may replay conversations or specific situations in their mind, critiquing every detail and amplifying their fear of judgment.

These symptoms can make it challenging for individuals to navigate common everyday experiences, such as speaking up in a meeting or introducing themselves to new people.

The avoidance of social situations can lead to isolation, low self-esteem, and even substance use disorders as unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Unlike a shy person, someone with social anxiety often feels a persistent and extreme fear that prevents them from engaging in activities they would otherwise enjoy or need to participate in for their personal or professional growth.

Recognising these patterns of avoidance and intense fear is crucial for identifying social anxiety disorder.

If these behaviours interfere with daily life or cause significant anxiety, it’s important to seek the support of a therapist or health care provider for a proper diagnosis and treatment plan.

But when those nerves start interfering with your work, friendships, or everyday life, it could be more than just shyness.

One of the biggest signs is avoidance — not because you’re not interested, but because the fear of saying the wrong thing, being judged, or feeling embarrassed becomes overwhelming.

You might skip events you were looking forward to, avoid speaking up in meetings, or cancel plans with close friends because the thought of social interaction feels too intense.

This kind of fear tends to stick around. It’s not just about being uncomfortable — it’s about feeling like you’re constantly on edge around others.

You might start to doubt yourself, overanalyse everything you say, or feel like you’ll never quite “get it right” in social settings.

Over time, that fear can wear down your confidence. You might start thinking things like “I’m not good enough” or “People probably think I’m awkward.”

And to cope, you might turn to strategies that feel helpful in the moment — like avoiding people altogether or having a few drinks to take the edge off — but those things often make the anxiety worse in the long run.

If any of this feels familiar, you’re not alone — and it doesn’t have to stay this way.

These are signs that you might be dealing with social anxiety rather than just shyness. And the good news is, help is available.

With the right support, it’s absolutely possible to build confidence, feel more at ease socially, and reconnect with the parts of life you’ve been avoiding.

One of the most effective treatments for social anxiety is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

It helps you understand the thoughts and behaviours that keep anxiety going — like harsh self-judgment or avoiding social situations altogether.

In therapy, you’ll learn how to shift those patterns in a way that actually feels doable, not forced. Over time, this helps reduce anxiety and builds self-trust.

Another helpful approach is exposure therapy, which sounds intimidating but is always done gently and at your own pace.

For example, if large groups feel overwhelming, we might start with something smaller and more comfortable, like practising conversations one-on-one, and build from there.

Group therapy can also be a really encouraging space.

Being around others who “get it” helps reduce the shame that often comes with social anxiety. You can practice social skills, swap strategies, and realise you’re not alone — which can be powerful.

In some cases, medication can play a role too — especially if the anxiety feels so intense that it’s hard to engage with therapy. Medication like SSRIs can help take the edge off, making it easier to do the deeper work.

That’s something we can explore together based on your comfort and needs.

Here in South Yarra, I work with people every week who are struggling with social anxiety — and I want you to know that it’s treatable.

With the right tools and support, it is absolutely possible to feel more confident, connected, and in control again.

While therapy is one of the most effective ways to treat social anxiety, it’s not the only support that matters. The way you take care of yourself outside of sessions can also make a big difference.

Things like getting enough sleep, eating regularly, moving your body, and having time to recharge can all help reduce anxiety.

You don’t have to do everything at once — even small, consistent changes can start to shift how you feel day-to-day.

If we work together, we can explore simple ways to build those habits into your routine in a way that feels achievable.

If in-person sessions are tricky for you right now — whether it’s because of timing, location, or comfort — online therapy is a great alternative.

I offer remote sessions, and many clients find it easier to open up from the comfort of home. What matters most is that you feel safe and supported, whether we meet in person or online.

You might also find it helpful to learn more about social anxiety from trusted Australian organisations like Beyond Blue and the APS (Australian Psychological Society).

These resources offer practical tips and reassurance that you’re not alone — and that recovery is absolutely possible.

I’ve supported many clients across Melbourne, especially young adults, who feel stuck in that same loop of worry, self-doubt, and avoidance.

My name is Melissa Bell, and I’m a psychologist based in South Yarra.

I offer compassionate, evidence-based treatment for social anxiety that’s tailored to your needs — whether that includes Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), exposure therapy, talk therapy, or a combination of approaches.

If you’re more comfortable at home, I also offer online sessions that are just as personal and effective.

In our sessions, we’ll work together to understand your triggers, build confidence, and slowly reduce the need to avoid the situations that feel too overwhelming right now.

We’ll also look at lifestyle factors that affect your wellbeing — things like sleep, social habits, and how you handle stress — so that we’re treating the whole picture, not just the symptoms.

More than anything, I want you to feel safe, understood, and supported. Social anxiety can be isolating, and asking for help isn’t always easy — but you’ve already taken a big step by reading this. If you’re ready, I’m here to help you move forward, one step at a time.

With the right support, you can build confidence, feel more at ease socially, and start enjoying the parts of life that anxiety has made harder. I’ve helped many clients through this, and I’d be honoured to help you too.

If you’re ready to take the next step, I offer both in-person sessions in South Yarra and online therapy across Melbourne.